There Are Only So Many Things You Can Do WIth A…

There Are Only So Many Things You Can Do WIth A…

a. Camera.

In the end it can only do two things – sit inert or take pictures. Most cameras make good paperweights and in the old days several of them made fine doorstops. It is when you start exposing film or sensors that the complications start. Not that we should complain – those complications are what keep the shop, the customers, and the manufacturers going. If they get out of hand, you can always switch the thing off and then on again.

b. Lens.

These are for looking through – either you look through it with your naked eye and curse your horse for running too slow, or you attach a camera to the back end and take pictures. Some lenses see images and some project images. Rather like people in the photo trade, really…

c. Tripod

The tripod has a sense of purpose and a firm grip on reality, even if its user does not. A tripod may be small, large, complex, or simple, but all it is really asked to do is keep a camera steady and out of the mud. All it wants is a bit of skill in setup and the occasional cleaning.

d. Flash

A flash can let you and your camera see when there is no available light available. It can highlight things and silhouette things. It can operate on its own or accept your orders, but no flash ever made will run as long as you need it to – they all run out of batteries at the critical moment. Prepare extra batteries and curt words beforehand.

Flashes also allow the authorities to discover where you are before you have time to escape.

e. Battery

You can charge it, discharge it, overheat it, freeze it, drop it, lose it, or yell at it. It will respond by sitting inert, throwing a spark at you, leak on an expensive suit, or blow up. Life with batteries is a contest.

f. Camera bags

Actually, you can do anything with camera bags. Pack them with cameras, lenses, accessories, nappies, sandwiches, passports, pistols, or propaganda leaflets. Try to smuggle them past airport counters and/or lift them into overhead lockers. Forget them in pubs.

Wise photographers vacuum them out regularly and repair the seams.

g. Memory cards.

Memory cards are of three types: Those that fit your equipment and work – those that do not fit your equipment and will not work – and those that play somewhere in between. The first and second types are fine – one may be kept and one discarded and all will be well.

The third – the ones that work intermittently or fit poorly – are the spawn of the devil. They will lead you to trust them with irreplaceable images and then swallow them in silence and darkness. Be warned.

h. Credit card.

Well, if it is still in your wallet or purse and has not spontaneously combusted by now, you can take it along to the Boxing Day Sales at one of our shops. Your rellies may have given you hankies but that doesn’t mean you have to sneeze at them – you are allowed to treat yourself to the things you really wanted and at a discount ,too.

 

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