The heading image is taken in the " E " gallery of the Camera Electronic Art Gallery. The artist has displayed the essential
Geistangstgekraft that troubles us all by juxstaposing the techological symbolism of electronic code upon the dou-coloured universe. This work was offered at auction but withdrawn when the reserve price of $ 56,000 was not reached. The artworld is not ready for some movements.
But this does not stop the clients of Camera Electronic from balancing upon the cutting edge of fine-art photography themselves. All that is needed is a simple camera, $ 5000 worth of computer, $9000 worth of inkjet printer, $ 300 worth of paper, and an Adobe Photoshop Elements program. The more determined may wish to get a Wacom tablet and a takeaway cappuccino as well - art can take some time.
Once the art has been seen, captured, uploaded, and mangled, it's time to attach the Artspeak. The best source for this is, of course, exhibitions at galleries or courses in art appreciation at technical colleges. But there may be no exhibitions on at present - sometimes the town opts for beer gardens and French Canadians balancing on buckets as their preferred art form and lets the traditional ones die. The new inkjet masterpiece needs Artspeak, so the next best thing to do is repair to a secondhand bookstore - there are several in North Perth and a big one in Fremantle - and get something from the " Art " bookshelf.
Grab an old catalogue from an exhibition - any exhibition - and take it home. The ones without illustrations are cheaper and will do quite as well as the ones with pictures. Don't hesitate to get the simple pamphlet ones with the paper covers.
In the workroom, remove the staples from the spine and spread out the pages in a row. Pick every third page and reassemble it into a working script. Draw a critical review of your new artwork from alternate paragraphs of the new pamphlet, altering the artist's name to your own. You needn't include the paragraphs that detail a tragic life and horrible death for the artist, unless you are feeling poorly. If mistresses are mentioned, try to get their phone numbers...
Wrap it all up with a new title for the printing. " Evocations Of Inadvertency " is already taken for our orange and blue boxes but any good thesaurus or Facebook meme should provide you with enough words to glue together.
You should be the hit of the gallery - the hit of the show - the hit of the season. Take it down and go home when you feel you've been hit enough...
Now, I wonder what happens when I push this button...
Good Gracious! Ring up the MOMA! We're back in business!
