Get A Grip On Yourself

Get A Grip On Yourself

This may come as a shock to some readers, but technology has advanced in the last little while, and it is no longer necessary to go home and use the telephone on the hall stand to ring through to Central. You need not have two pennies or a sixpence to go to the telephone box at the end of the street. And it is possible to infuriate most of population of the country from the comfort of your desk or the convenience of your motor car. Tweets and memes are available 24/7 to do this*.

Voila – the mobile phone. You can dial up anyone without using a dial and send them pictures of yourself in the local sports hall toilets for a mere thousand dollars a year. You can yell at people across the country while you are inching forward on the Mitchell Freeway in peak hour. You can send mis-spelled messages to people at any hour of the day and night. No-one need be at peace ever again…

But while you are out conducting your reign of terror, be aware that there are rules. Not about the foolish political memes – you can get away with that. But about holding your instrument to your ear while driving. The local constabulary take a very dim view of this and they are supported in their distaste by the magistrates. You must not do it – if you wish to shriek at the phone while shaking your fist at the other drivers in the traffic jam you must have a clamp that holds the phone on the dash in front of you. You’re still allowed a vile temper, but you have to keep your hands on the wheel as you exercise it.

Likewise, you may need to take a selfie with your phone or to hold it on your desk while you do something else – you need a clamp and stand that will position it for you. Here is where the Manfrotto design people can help.

Their Smart Clamp will accomodate up to an iPhone 6S  or Samsung S6 edge+ or similarly -sized devices. It has a standard 1/4″ tripod thread underneath and a small tab that folds out of the back to let it stand on a flat surface. It is inexpensive – far cheaper than having the motorcycle patrolman video you with your phone to your ear.

It will not make traffic move faster past Glendalough Station in the afternoon at 4:30. Nothing on Earth will do that… But it will allow you to phone ahead safely and legally to tell people that you are going to be late. Try not to swear as you talk.

*  If it works in Washington, it will work here.

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